January 7, 2010, 10 am Pacific, 11 am Mountain, Noon Central, 1 pm EST, 7 pm Istanbul and Zurich
Why Men and Women Collide
Over the last fifty years, life has become more complicated. Longer working hours, intensified by grueling commutes and more traffic, the increased cost of housing, food, and health care, rising credit card debt, and the combined responsibilities of work and childcare in two-career families are only a few of the sources of stress in our fast-paced modern lives. In spite of the new technologies designed to connect us, information overload and round-the-clock accessibility via the Internet and cell phones have reduced much of our communication to the equivalent of text messaging. We are stretched to the limit, with little energy for our personal lives. Despite increased independence and opportunities for success at work, we are often left with a sense of isolation and exhaustion at home. Read on...
John Gray, Ph.d., is the best-selling relationship author of all time. He is author of 17 books, including the #1 New York Times Best-Selling Book of the last decade, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, that sold over 50 million copies worldwide. John' focus is assisting men and women in understanding, respecting, and appreciating their differences. Summit Entertainment has recently purchsed the rights to John Gray's bestseller, "Men are from Mars, Women ar from Venus," with the intention of creating a feature film and TV Series. Expected release 2012.
Welcome listeners. Before we begin, I'd like to remind you to press 5* if you have a question during the interview and to fill out the evaluation form that is linked to your call-in instructions, especially if you want CEUs.
This is Dr. Sally Gelardin with Careerwell Tele-Interviews. I am pleased to welcome John Gray, international authority on male and female relationships. John is the author of 16 best-selling books, including Men Are form Mars, Women Are from Venus. In the next hour, he will talk about the role of stress in male/female relationships, based on his newest book, Why Men and Women Collide. This topic is expecially relevent between December and Valentine's Day, high season for breakups. Welcome John. We need your advice! Here's my first question...
- How has a shift in male and female roles brought around a major new source of stress in our home and work lives?
- How do men generally respond in stressful situations?
- How do women generally respond in stressful situations?
- How can each sex learn to cope more effectively with stress?
- Could you give an example of how to stop a fight between a man and a woman?
- To cope with stress, John included a wonderful exercise called "Venus Talks" on his Careerwell website. I encourage listeners to do the exercise if you haven't already. John, speaking of Mars and Venus and male/female stress, I heard some good Venus talks on the new outer space movie, Avatar. Back to earth, how can women effectively ask for what they need? How can they do this at work, as well as at home?
- What are costly effects of elevated stress hormones in general? Specifically for women? For men?
- You say in your newest book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, "The real reason women are tired today is not that they have too much to do. It is that they are not producing enough oxytocin to cope with stress." What is oxytocin and why is it needed to cope with stress?
- I like the example you give from your relationship with your wife of how a woman's happiness and energy levels come from the oxytocin-producing acts of nurturing and being nurtured. Where do a man's happiness and energy levels come from? Could you tell your personal story of driving the car too fast as an example of these sources of happiness and energy?
- How can a woman create ozytocin on her own? (Maybe we could ask the listeners how they treat themselves well by doing things for themselves that are rewarding, fulfilling, comforting, and involve connecting with others besides their partners.) How can a man raise a woman's oxytocin levels?
- In summary, how do you (and how can others) make your (their) relationship a sanctutary from stress?
- How can we learn more through your media? (web address? etc)
John, thank you for your insightful interview, great way to start the New Year with your tips for dynamic intimate relationships! Next week, we feature Carol McLelland (green careers for dummies) on January 14, and Jan Johnston-Tyler (neurodiversity, providing career advising for individuals with hidden disabilities) on January 28. Listeners, I look forward to your participation in these great upcoming tele-interviews.
Instead of waiting for stress to build up, it is a good idea to schedule regular Venus Talks.
Here is a definition of Venus Talks: A woman needs to practice sharing with her mate without expecting him to change in some way. A man needs to listen to his mate without solving her problems.
Venus Talking Points
- What makes you feel frustrated, angry, or annoyed?
- What makes you feel disappointed, sad, or hurt?
- What makes you feel afraid, worried, or scared?
- What makes you feel sorry, embarrassed, or ashamed?
- What do you wish, want, or need?
- What do you appreciate, understand, or trust?
Take about 90 seconds to answer each of the six questions and share whatever comes up.
- Describe a stressful situation where you scheduled a Venus Talk to reduce the stress.
- Describe the positive effects of the talk.
- If you did not schedule a Venus Talk to reduce stress from an emotional charged situation, describe how you would have this talk.